Vindicated
by Emerson Quinn
Summary: Oneshot. Vader's thoughts on his possible redemption and the meaning of hope. Lyrics are Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional.


_**A/N: Just a little vignette. I hope you like it. This has been living in my head ever since I first heard the song. For those of you following my story Coming Home, fear not. I am still working on it and have not abandoned it. I just needed to get this out too! Thanks so much, reviews mean a lot.**_

****

**_Emerson_**

_**VINDICATED**_

_**Hope dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption  
Winding in and winding out  
The shine of it has caught my eye**_

Perhaps it is the earnest shimmer in his eyes, perhaps it is the gentle pleading in his voice. But something which I had thought had abandoned me, an intangible tenuous thing, has begun to stir. Hope. It has not abandoned me, merely been buried under years of despair and self-loathing. Now it surrounds my son, an incandescent glow that ebbs and flows around him. It fills his very being, and he shines with the light of it. I am unable to take my eyes off of him.

__

And roped me in  
So, mesmerizing, so hypnotizing, 

So I step closer to him still, and he stands his ground. I should take care not to fall under the spell that he is weaving. This simple desire for repentance. It is impossible for me to turn away, he is drawing me in and I am losing my ability to resist. _Come with me..._he says. I said that to him, not so long ago. Does it matter which one of us has softly uttered the words? The offer is the same. The only difference is to which extreme...Light or Dark. In a distant past, I belonged to the Light...was it really so long ago? Could part of that light still live in me? I am beginning to believe that there is room for both in me, and in my son. I already can see how growing up has changed him, darkened him. He is bearing burdens now: the burden of his name, the burden of his status, the burden of his legacy...and they have seeped into his pure-light soul and stained them with the darkness of his fear and doubt. Yet for all this, Luke has not given in. He still retains hope. He holds to it, like a distant star in the far-off yawning void of space...it is his touchstone, what he must cling to. It is fascinating to see it reflected in his eyes. He is mesmerizing, my son.

_**  
I am captivated,**_

I am almost unable to deny him. He has in ten seconds almost destroyed nearly 20 odd years of dark devotion to my Master. It is exhilarating to feel his power.

_**I am...**_

I feel...I am unsure how to properly label it. So many emotions swirl in me now, I am grasping at them. I need to hold each one in my heart and discover what they mean to me. I feel...

_**  
Vindicated**_

He has come to me, I am not forsaken. He is all forgiveness and love. I have never done anything so well or wonderful as fathering this boy. _**  
**_

_**  
I am selfish**_

He is my son. _Mine. I will not give him up. _

_**I am wrong**_

I can turn him...I must bring him to the Darkness.

_**  
I am right**_

He will not abandon me.

_**  
I swear I'm right  
Swear I knew it all along**_

He can save me...we can save each other.

_**  
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself**_

And I realize that I have never been a paragon of modesty. Never an idol to look up to, a representative of a life-well lived. Now my son is showing me the way, and I can finally accept the truths he is telling me. Luke has never given up.

She never gave up either, his mother. She held on until he was delivered safe, a gift to the universe he would one day save. __

So clear 

It is so obvious to me now, the well-spring of that hope. Padme. His strength of beliefs has been passed down to him from her...and it is just as formidable now as it ever was then.

_**  
**_

_**Like the diamond in your ring  
Cut to mirror your intention  
Oversized and overwhelmed**_

I can recall the day she consented to marry me, the promise-ring flashing on her hand, in the sunlight of another time and another era. Her mission in life was to save: her people, Democracy, the universe...me. It was overwhelming at times, exhausting trying to keep up with her fervor for justice. But I had my intentions as well. And now I have learned that history repeats itself...for though I had believed hope died when Padme's light went out, I now know that it was reborn in my son. A phoenix rising from the ashes. The embers burning down to red-white glints in the dark.

_**  
The shine of which has caught my eye  
And rendered me  
So isolated, so motivated  
I am certain now that I am**_

And here I stand again on the edge of a choice. Sharp as a saber's edge and with twice the consequences, it is the same choice I had then. A chance for redemption. I have been given a second chance.

_**Vindicated**_

I am the Chosen One. I will not bring balance to the Force through myself, but through my son. I am the sacrifice that will bring Light back to the galaxy. I will fulfill my destiny.

_**  
I am selfish**_

And yet a part of me does not want to leave him, my bright shining son. I feel as if I finally belong...just being in his presence is moving. I never want to be parted from him.

_**  
I am wrong**_

Perhaps I can still sway him, convince him to turn and we will never be apart again. If he will only surrender to the Dark Side...

_**  
I am right  
I swear I'm right  
Swear I knew it all along**_

No, I understand the path which I must take now. To give my life for his...it may be the only way. The will of the Force has never been so clear to me as now. I feel as though the mists have parted and I am able to glimpse a wondrous future of which Luke will help build. A part of me realizes I have known this ever since I'd learned his name. The missing pieces had fallen into place.

_**  
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself**_

_**  
**_And though I have done wrong, though I have tortured, threatened, used, killed...and worse...my son has proven that I am not unforgivable. He has come here for one thing only: love. I am awed by the radiating force of it. It is strange to feel it again. I am humbled to have earned it from a boy whom I have never held, apologized to, or given anything but pain. I have never uttered a kind word to him, much less admitted any sort of fatherly affection...and he comes here before me now professing only his unfaltering love. Can I truly be forgiven?

_**  
So turn  
up the corners of your lips  
Part them and feel my finger tips  
Trace the moment fall forever**_

He is so close to me now. Waiting in the silent turbo-lift on our way to my Master. I am leading him to face his destiny...our destiny. He had believed I would turn and go with him on Endor...but I was not able to follow my heart. I am banking on my ability to break the chains my Master has shackled me with, but doubt clouds my mind again as we rise, rise up to meet him. In the silence, a wan smile from my son. I am unsure what he is trying to say. Fate weighs heavy between us, and I feel as though I were falling toward uncertainty...and I could continue falling until the end of time.__

Defense is paper thin  
Just one touch and I'll be in  
Too deep now to ever swim against the current  
So let me slip away  
So let me slip away  
So let me slip against the current 

I am losing my shields, losing my famous will of steel. I am so close to slipping, my tenuous grasp on the dark is failing me. All it will take is a word from Luke...Force help me if he pleads with me again. My defenses are coming down around me and I could care less. I cannot, I _will not_ fight my son. I will not battle the very visual reminder, the very visceral proof of the love I once had. I will do what I must...destroy the monster, let myself slip away to save him. To save my son.

_**Like hope  
dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption...**_

It must be the earnest shimmer in his eyes, the gentle pleading in his voice...it sounds...it sounds like hope.


End file.
